I Am Still Me No Matter Where I Am: A Letter from Siena, Italy
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I wake up and open my window to the most beautiful view. I can hear the dogs barking and playing, the vespas speeding through the streets. I can feel the breeze on my hands. The smell of coffee first thing in the morning. I head to class while passing a large group of people touring the city—people who can only stay for a few days, while I get to spend four months, enjoying everything Siena has to offer. I journal in the Piazza del Campo and walk by the Fortress and Duomo multiple times a week. There is so much culture, so much history all around me. This is the dream, but when I sit in silence and enjoy the view, I often think about my life less than two months ago, before I went to Hope in Tuscany.
When I chose to do my first semester of college abroad, I knew I would face challenges, such as a language barrier, culture shock, and homesickness. However, a challenge I never expected was knowing who I am. Coming to Italy, I left everything I knew behind. I left the people and communities that helped me grow into who I am.
It was me and my two blue suitcases against the world. Realistically, I could only fit the essentials. A few outfits, skincare, maybe a pencil or two. This left very little room for all my random side quests, leaving my pile of hobbies and craft projects to gather dust in the corner of my room thousands of miles away. I would be lying if I said it felt normal.
For the first time in years, I’m not playing the flute daily. For the first time in years, I’m away from a community I was a part of. For the first time, I am away from a town that I call home.
But I’m not actually away; it’s just different.
Music is still a big part of my life, and that hasn’t changed. I joined a choir here in Siena, and while I might have trouble understanding Italian, being in a room full of people with a shared passion for music makes me feel right at home.
That feeling of belonging isn’t just found in the Aula Magna room at the University of Siena. It can be found all around you. That’s the amazing part of a community: it can start from nothing. I may have just met my fellow students at the airport four weeks ago, but there is a built-in bond you have with someone when you choose to drastically change your everyday routine at the age of eighteen. I can count on these people, and they can count on me.
I might not be in my cute hometown in Illinois anymore, but the lessons and culture I learned there still follow me. I carry my hometown with me. Even if I’m miles away, I still remember everything about it. I remember the murals, the sounds of families at the beach, the caramel frappes from my favorite McDonald’s.
Every day when I see Siena, I see my hometown. I may not see the same Super Mario mural when I drive to church anymore; Instead, I see paintings of horses. I may not hear the same families playing volleyball at the beach, but I do see them getting gelato in the hot afternoons. And I might not be getting a weekly caramel frappe from McDonald’s, but an affogato from Grom most definitely hits the spot, even when my hometown feels extra far away.
I can find bits and pieces of it all around, almost like how I can find myself. A part of me is not gone because I chose to study abroad. I’m still me. I am a hard worker. I love my friends and family. I still love Goldfish—the snack that smiles back! So, I know who I am.
Writer's Bio
Katie Kosiek is a first-semester student at Hope College, on the Hope in Tuscany first-semester-study-abroad program in Siena, Italy, a program that seeks to establish the community of Hope in an international, diverse context. This is her first column for the Hope in Tuscany blog.
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