What is this Feeling? (Sudden and New)
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Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m homesick.
…
It is hard to sit with that one if I’m completely honest. I’d always imagined there to be some difficulty in settling into Freiburg, but nothing prepared me for the big feelings that come with the “vacation” vibes wearing off. Especially given the fact that studying in Germany has been a dream of mine for many years, processing these feelings is a project. So, let’s talk about it.
Everything isn’t always perfect.
My goal as a study abroad blogger is to share my experiences in Germany, so that any of you who are students can decide for yourself if this is something you want to participate in during your time at Hope. While it is my obligation to show you the incredible sights, food, and lifestyle of being a student in Europe, I also feel obligated to tell you that my blogs are only a small curation of my day.
These short posts could never be enough to sum up every single thing I’ve done, and a lot of them are far from perfect. Between the incredible views from the top of the Black Forest and the stunning cathedrals, a lot goes wrong. From arriving in Switzerland at 7:30 am when nothing is open, and a canceled ICE train back from Munich… it can be overwhelming and messy — and certainly not perfect. While things like that can end up disappointing, it is reality. I’ve come to terms with the fact that this isn’t a vacation, but it is school and life. Life is messy, and we are all doing life for the first time. I always keep in mind that things won’t always go according to plan, and it is definitely okay to feel upset about it in the moment, and then you can bounce back.
Homesickness
I’m not going to lie, when I had orientation through Hope for study abroad, I felt like the mood map was a little silly.
This map is sourced from IES Abroad, my program provider, and was showcased as Hope was preparing us at the spring orientation session. While it may not apply to every person, I was dead set on the fact that it wouldn’t happen to me. News flash: I would say my homesickness level is roughly similar to the map.
What is marked “The Plunge” on the map could not be truer. I initially had a very hard time adjusting to my new apartment, but then it felt like everything was great! I love Germany! Now, I feel like I am confronting my deeper issues and seeking greater comfort. So many things have changed since I arrived, and there have been hard situations to unpack.
All this to say: it is okay to be homesick. It is normal. I miss my friends at Hope, my family, and of course, my dog. There is no shame in feeling that way, because so many people do. Often, they don’t feel it in the same way, but the underlying feeling will always be present. Feeling conflicted and homesick is valid, but there are resources to help you wherever you may go.
Mental Health While Abroad
Homesickness has been something that I have been unpacking for a week or so now. As I’ve worked through roommate issues (including a room change), being surrounded by new people and culture, and loneliness, it was harder than ever to process my life. It is very often that I think: “What am I doing here?”
My primary advice is to take care of yourself. When these feelings inevitably come up, always take the time you need. Don’t feel guilty for not traveling every single weekend. Don’t feel guilty for missing your own sense of normalcy. It will be okay. Between the climaxes, there are always rests. Mental health is important, especially when the weather may be changing; self-care is such an important thing to maintain while abroad. While Freiburg remains sunny at times, it is beginning to get cold, dark, and rainy. I’ve been taking the time to cozy up on my own, call friends and family, and make sure my body is nourished and rested. Everybody can feel the dip in mood, and taking the time to acclimate and process my feelings has been pivotal for my mental health. Many programs have English-speaking resources that specialize in helping students manage this, and I’d advise anybody to take advantage of that.
Closing Thoughts
Study abroad is not all rainbows and fairies. I’ll admit, I was wrong to think the experts were overexaggerating. There are so many unexpected moments where you wish to go home, but it can ultimately be outweighed by the incredible experiences you find yourself in. Utilize resources and take time for yourself — these are so important to remember. Studying abroad is not a long vacation, but a part of your academic life. There are going to be difficult parts, but as long as you take care of yourself, it will only be a small part of the journey.
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